Is this a “me problem”, or a “we problem”?

There can be some confusion about couples counselling. Sometimes we may feel that we are the problem, or that the other person is the problem. Perhaps you experienced something in the past that makes it difficult right now in your relationship. Often when we think of things as a “me problem” we rob ourselves of being understood and supported. We disappear into our cave only to emerge when we are better. An individual issue that concerns a relationship is a “we problem”.

What does marriage counselling do?

It helps couples move forward with their relationship by increasing mutual availability, responsiveness, and engagement. These three ingredients are lost when we struggle in relationships. Having a third person in the room who is trained to help, creates the opportunity for all parties to experience the important ingredients of a healthy relationship.

When should you seek marriage counselling?

There is never a bad time. Often couples come in because they have read books, asked friends and families, but still find the problem exists. They treat couples counselling as a last resort. This is the same as having a loud noise coming from your car and driving it until you are stranded on the side of the road. The right time for couples to come to counselling is when they know something is not working and they are not able to address it themselves.

What are the most important things in a relationship?

We have an acronym for this: A.R.E. Available, Responsive and Engaging. These are three key ingredients in a relationship. When we have lost these we are left with a relationship of simply tolerating each other, living separate lives of convenience. When we expect to be loved and cared for and are only tolerated we are left with deep loneliness.

How can we make our relationship stronger?

Spend time without distraction, no cell phone, no Netflix, no third person just the two of you. Respond to what each other says and not where you anticipate the conversation to go. Re-visit what attracted you to each other. Consider participating in an weekend retreat dedicating time to your relationship.

How much does counselling cost?

The cost of a single session is $150 (HST included) for a full hour session.

Do you do online sessions?

Yes. My college limits me to practice within Ontario therefore I only offer online sessions to people living within Ontario.

Is it a bad sign to go to counselling when we haven’t been in a relationship for a long time?

NO absolutely not. The patterns you have in your relationship have fewer years of being reinforced if you seek out help early on. It is easier to change communication patterns that haven’t been happening for years.

Are you trauma informed?

Yes, I am. I believe that being trauma informed is a commitment to always learning. Science is always revealing how trauma impacts us. As a psychotherapist I am always learning, whether it is new therapeutic tools, reading books or attending training workshops.